wow... so i wanted to get my tape recorder, so i can keep it in the car for when i have ideas when im driving. and in it is the tape of myself that i recorded in 11th grade, four years ago so i listened to it on the car all the way back from my mom's...

you think you change but you never, ever do.

well, in some ways i do. i'm not talking about st james every fucking five minutes anymore. im not watching velvet goldmine on a loop for all eternity. and THANK GOD i'm over jen and jenni now. at the time i the thought of never role playing with either of them again was enough to drive me into a suicidal frenzy. honestly. it was hard to get through that time. i had to believe that i would be with jen again.... but you were there. i had this diary then.

"its all about bringing back grunge because i want to wear flannel and not wash my hair." (spontaneous quotes from the tape as they occur)

and cheating.

"oh, my bongos!!"

i was cheating on miriam at the time. and trying to make jen jealous by being with jenni. i was hella multitasking. and there's a whole section where i talk about how i can't handle long term relationships and how i initiate every relationship and then i break it off when i get bored and have i grown out of that? in the last four years have i grown AT ALL?

apparently not.

apparently not because all i've been thinking about lately is that things with becky aren't going to last. i've been avoiding her for the last couple days and on wednesday misty came home after having problems with her boyfriend luke and thinking that maybe they're going to break up and we sat and smoked and there was a certain buzz. a certain charge that you get when it first crosses your mind that you're going to break up, there's something extremely exciting about it, it gets your adrenaline going to break up with someone, its really an addictive feeling.

"why you gotta waste my flava?"

gah... bed. must got to bed. i have to work at 9 am and... fuuuuuuuuuck.

bed.

"i think the world would be a better place without long term relationships."

(previous) (next)
(older) (email) (guestbook) (diaryland) (about me) (cast) (heart of blood: my fanfiction) (random facts 1 2 3 4)

tottmacher - Mar. 15, 2005
tomorrow i'll be you - Mar. 02, 2005
the gods of synth - Feb. 16, 2005
a virgin state of mind - Feb. 14, 2005
waiting to tell their mute love story - Jan. 28, 2005