fuuuuck. diaryland not letting me add an entry makes me say, as goku says, "don't gimme that bullshit!"

but i fucking need to write about this shit. and i appologuise that my last few (and far between) entries have been about really weird, quite reckless things (ie pregnancy scares, having cybersex with a random boy from myspace) and that most of the time i'm really doing quite boring things like going to class and reading books and shopping at walmart. about every two weeks i get a wild hair and do something fucking strange.

like... yesterday. jackie's 21st birthday party. mike came up for it. we met at a restaurant at the mall of america, fucking fourteen of the strangest mix of people you've ever seen: lindsey's punk friends, band members and their girlfriends, peirced and really badass and all on liquid diets apparently, jackie's old friends from mankato, kinda preppy homos and some nerds, one burly feminist lesbian who constantly hits on me, and mike and i not knowing whether to sit with the nerds or the goths, because i'm wearing eyeliner out to here and fucking librarian glasses, and mike is a tiny boy in a polyester dress shirt.

so the party. jackie got a huge suite in a hotel by the airport, a nonsmoking room which quickly became quite blue with cigarette, clove and pot smoke. we piled in the room and started drinking and listening to music. jackie had told me earlier that lindsey's friend grant would be doing peircings at the party (while not licensed, grant has done a ton of peircings and has all his own equipment. he did jackie's lip and lindsey's nipples last weekend). jackie had also promised me that i would find grant attractive, and i did. very skinny, lots of peircings, bright red dreads (not really long, or thick or gross... the nice kind of dreads), and fucking intense eyes. and really goofy. and wearing girl's bondage pants from hot topic. arr.

so. grant peirced me. deux labrets, one in the middle, one off to the side. i had forgotten how wonderful and terrifying it is to have someone shove a needle through your skin. to have a very pretty boy six inches from you, staring into your face, and with gloved hands take a pretty peice of metal and push it through all the resisting layers of flesh. and when it hurts more and more, you just tell yourself "go into this pain" and you go into it, and through it, to a fantastic terrifying euphoria. wow. two holes. metal in my face.

so. i dont even remember how this started. but somehow, somehow, i dont remember how (der-UNK) grant kept talking about orgies and we half thought he was joking, we thought he was sort of kidding when he kept trying to get mike and i involved in such, joking when he pretended to hump mike in the middle of the hotel room, but somehow grant was on one of the beds with this chubby, cute brunette, cassie, and i ended up laying next to them and sort of watching them make out, her straddle him, him continuing to joke about sex but it seemed less of a joke now, and mike came over and sat next to me but kept giving me worried eyes. because we had said before, in a little aside discussion, that we both thought grant was hot but that it wouldnt be good to fool around with him because god, any guy that wants a threesome at a hotel party has got to be carrying god knows what. though we both were not opposed to the idea of having group sex in general, particularly with a pretty goth boy. in eyeliner. and a tie. mike kept giving me worried eyes, and i was drunk and whispered "aww just a little bit, please?"

and after a while mike laid down and kissed me, and grant and cassie were kissing. mike got behind me and was kissing and biting my neck, and pressing against me, and i reached out and touched grant's arm. and then his bare chest. because it's always me that has to make the first move. with jacob (cybersex boy). with everybody. im the one who wants it.

grant smiled, and laughed a little of his crazy laugh, and leaned over and kissed me. three peircings in his lip and two fresh ones in mine, so much metal colliding, new and painful and strange. and he was so eager and his skin was warm and strangely textured, dry and a little rough, i think he has some kind of skin condition but it was nice. he was warm, and i was between the bodies of two warm boys and suddenly all the bodies were together, moving, touching. kissing grant and touching the soft body of the girl next to him, with mike behind me. beneath grant and mike's bodies when they kissed, touching grant's bare skin. kissing the back of grant's neck, brushing aside his soft dreads, while he kissed cassie.

oh god. the world is surreal and im drunk and it's warm lovely bodies all around me, gorgeous skin and clothes and pressing and everyone kept touching me. mike lifted up my shirt and both he and grant sucked on my nipples. mike bit and pulled like he always does, a pain i've gotten used to and grant drug his heavy 0 gauge tounge peircing aross my nipple and his dreads brushed my skin.

it was sexy and incredible. i liked it. i liked it so much. but i knew mike didnt want to go any further than clothes-on fooling around, and really i didn't either... well my better judgement didn't. my other judgement, my phantom-penis judgement, thought otherwise. but really... really the only reason i would want to go further was because i didnt want to stop being close and touching. being close to and touching grant. i didnt want him to go away. if mike had been for it, i probably would have gone as far as grant wanted to go. just to stay near him. it was so nice.

mike got up and went away for awhile, and so did cassie, and it was just grant and i on the bed. he said he wanted to go down on me (ohhh with that 0 gauge tongue ring... god i can only imagine). i said that probably wouldn't be happening, and he scoffed a little at my not-into-group-sex-at-the-moment boyfriend. i ended up telling him he was pretty, and he said he didnt really think so... that contrary to all the posturing and adornments, that he didnt really consider himself an attractive person. whatever. i dont know if he was trying to parker abrams me or what, but yeah... if buffy can fall for that shit so can i, because i thought it was sweet, and something about the combination of that slightly rough, slightly tan chest with big 4 gauge nipple peircings and the bright red dreads... gorgeous.

the foursome disapated. but there it was. now i've fooled around with three people at once. now i've touched one of the hottest guys ive ever met in real life. and he touched me. and he wanted to fuck me. and he wanted to fuck my boyfriend. and damn. he had a crazy, high-pitched laugh. and his dreads were soft.

when did i get so goddamned crazy?

happy valentines day.

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i'm about to change your pretty life - May. 02, 2005
complicate me - Apr. 28, 2005
zombie.nation - Mar. 28, 2005
tottmacher - Mar. 15, 2005
tomorrow i'll be you - Mar. 02, 2005