i havent written much lately. mostly because of grant issues which i promised i wouldnt write about any more. the internet has become a cruel mistress and i got some shit written on my myspace blog (presumably from a jealous bitch) and so i just cant be taking risks anymore. fuck me and my big blabbery mouth.

so mike and i went to DC for spring break and we just got back last night. i was a little worried about the trip because things have been tense between us lately and after the first night (before we even left for the trip, just spending the night at my house) i was really worried that we were going to end up having some major fights this weekend. but it turned out fine.

mike and i are so good at working out our problems. i ended up crying on a streetcorner in DC for about 10 minutes but it turned out fine. it wasn't about grant. it wasn't even really about my relationship with mike, it was about me feeling really weird about being gay, about being inexperienced, and feeling really lonely. we walked past a gay bookstore and i asked mike if he wanted to go inside and he didnt. as we walked away i realized my feelings were really hurt. he asked again if i wanted to go back, if i wanted to we certainly could, but i said no. not because i really didnt want to but because he didnt... because there must be something wrong with wanting to go to a gay bookstore. mike was so fucking jaded that he didnt even get excited about it, and i could hardly contain my surprise when i saw it. i had never been in a place like that. i just felt so incredibly naive and alone.

but i cried for a while and then we walked down the street and talked about it, and it was fine. we're good about talking to each other.

i dont know if mike knows that im not over the grant thing. i really feel like mike can read my mind sometimes. maybe im just too incredibly obvious. maybe i should stop talking about grant so much. i think it'll be okay. i dont know. ahhh talking about grant again have to stop.

not much else is going on. mike and i are obsessed with making a "roawr" cat noise. we went to the freer gallery and the hirschorn museum which were both amazing. i saw a bunch of isamu noguchi sculptures! and the peacock room! and the alexander caulder mobiles! all sorts of crazy shit. i bought a ton of things. right now i'm wearing a new bettie page tee shirt i bought and i've already gotten a compliment on it today *bats eyelashes*. im feeling amazing. i had sex this morning before school. im a million dollars. it's only guilt that's holding me down.

(previous) (next)
(older) (email) (guestbook) (diaryland) (about me) (cast) (heart of blood: my fanfiction) (random facts 1 2 3 4)

(ignore this, it's my homework) - Dec. 21, 2005
are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around? - May. 04, 2005
i'm about to change your pretty life - May. 02, 2005
complicate me - Apr. 28, 2005
zombie.nation - Mar. 28, 2005